


Forced Delusion

by morganskye



Series: Hurting and Healing [1]
Category: Ghostbusters (Comics), Ghostbusters - All Media Types
Genre: Deal with a Devil, F/M, Lost Love, Not Actually Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-11-22 23:57:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20882801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morganskye/pseuds/morganskye
Summary: Anyone can see that Janine has had feelings for Egon since day one. Why doesn't he respond? Maybe he can't, because if he ever does his world will crumble to pieces...again.





	Forced Delusion

One of the bigger 'omg' moments in the IDW comic series involves Winston's wife Tiyah losing her memories of their relationship. This is directly based on that, however you don't need to read the comic to know what's going on. Also if you like the story I HIGHLY recommend [misfitcutie's](https://archiveofourown.org/users/misfitcutie/pseuds/misfitcutie) wonderful story [Re: Ghosts of Our Past](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14673606). It's very emotional and touching. 

**April 1996**

When Peter appeared at his apartment door with a 6 pack of beer and Chinese takeout he wasn’t surprised. It was about time for another visit, so he stepped aside and let his friend in. 

“Good evening,” he said, nodding politely.

“Hey Spengs. Thought you could use some food and an ear.”

Egon cocked an eyebrow. “I don’t need to talk about anything.”

“You can’t fool me. This is my field after all. Things have been pretty tense between you and the gang since Tiyah was messed up by Tiamat.”

“I’m fine Peter.”

“Uh huh...you’re attempting to bullshit a bullshitter. You might as well try to tell me you dress up like a clown and entertain kids on the weekends,” Peter said as he dished up dinner (ie stuck a fork in the container of Lo Mein and handed it to Egon). 

Egon frowned down at the food but took it. “You aren’t going to leave until I talk to you, correct?”

“Got it in one. So, what’s the deal? You were all cryptic when we were talking to Winston about Tiyah.”

“I’ve had a similar thing happen. That’s all.”

“With you there’s no such thing as ‘that’s all’.”

Spengler sighed and sat on this small military style cot since hospitality required that Peter should get the chair. 

“Things started the same way we all remember. The college, the library, starting up...then Janine walked in.”

Peter, shocked his stoic friend had opened up so quickly, just nodded for him to continue.

**Early October 1984**

“You’re very handy, I can tell. I bet you like to read a lot too.”

Egon was inclined to ignore her and the funny feeling she gave him in his stomach, but he hesitated. 

“Print is dead,” he said. ‘_ Why can’t I turn away from her?’ _

Janine went on, undeterred. “Oh, that's very fascinating to me. I read a lot myself. Some people think I'm too intellectual, but I think it's a fabulous way to spend your spare time. I also play racquetball. Do you have any hobbies?”

She took off her glasses and looked up at him. Instantly he was caught. Even though his tongue felt like it was made of cotton he heard himself give a dismissive response. 

“I collect spores, molds, and fungus.”

Janine blinked at him as he made a quick escape and nearly ran upstairs to his lab. He could practically hear his father’s voice yelling at him about not getting attached, but far off in the distance he could hear her…

“Yes it is. Can I help you?”

Despite his frayed nerves he smiled slightly, not minding that his heart was beating a little faster. 

> _ “I tried not to be attracted to her, but it was impossible to ignore the looks she gave me or the subtle touches. Then, after Gozer, I couldn’t push her away anymore. I had fallen in love despite my best efforts. We flew to Vegas and got married right away. I was...I believe the best description is ‘giddy’. Janine made me feel alive, but also very worried. Being a Ghostbuster has a multitude of dangers, even for someone who doesn’t go on busts. If we had been just a few seconds slower when the Containment Unit went up…” _
> 
> _ He sighed and sipped his beer before continuing. _
> 
> _ “When the government threw all those lawsuits and court orders at us, I secretly thought it was a blessing. I had decided that after the new CU was built neither one of us would return to the job. Janine didn’t agree with that. At all.” _

**February 1985**

“Egon they’re your _ friends _, not to mention coworkers. You can’t just walk away!”

“I have to Janine. The job has become too dangerous. I won’t put either of us in jeopardy.”

“They _ need _ you! You’re the brains! Who else is going to come up with all those wonderful tools?”

“Ray is perfectly capable-”

“Ray can’t do diddly without you to bounce ideas off of.” Janine sat on the sofa with a huff. “Is this because of my nightmares? Because the doctor said they’ll go away eventually.”

“Somewhat,” he said, sitting beside her. “It’s difficult waking up to you screaming most nights when I can’t do anything to help you.”

She could see the pain and regret on his face so she took his hand and held it.

“That’s not your fault Egon.”

“It feels like it. I’m still mad at Peter for not just doing what Peck asked.”

“Same, but the past is past and...well if it makes you feel better I won’t go back to the Firehouse, not even to drop off your favorite mushroom soup.”

“Thank you,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet pal. You can’t turn your back on the guys. At least be there if they need equipment help or to pick your brain. Please?”

He sighed but agreed. “I promise I’ll help if and when they need it.” 

> _ “I didn’t think I’d need to follow through, but even with the ban on us the paranormal always has a way. For the next few years I did what I could. I also didn’t want to lose you, Winston, and Ray as my friends. Thankfully when things were picking up again because of Vigo I had an excellent excuse to not be around. I just wish Janine had felt the same.” _

**November 1989**

“I’m in California safe and sound. Just got to the hotel,” he said. “The conference is already setting up.”

“That’s great! I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful time,” Janine smiled, patting her now four-month-old baby bump. “Don’t forget to buy me a cute souvenir.”

“I won’t forget.”

“I should let you go. Long distance charges are horrible. I can’t wait for you to get home. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

She could hear the smile in his voice. Hanging up was hard but she knew she’d see him in a week. Janine was barely a few feet from the phone when it rang again.

“Egon?”

“Janine! It’s Ray. Is Egon there?!”

There were sounds of explosions and screams in the background.

“Ray! What’s happening?!”

“It’s bad! We need Iggy!!"

“He’s in California! He won’t be back for a week!” There were more screams and a _ boom _ that put static on the line for a moment. Her eyes hardened. “Where are you?”

“Pier 8. A cargo ship came in with some surprises.”

“On my way.”

She hung up before Ray could argue. Running to the bedroom she put on her workout clothes and grabbed the proton pack they kept for sentimental reasons. Once she had it on she dashed out the door without a second thought. The guys, _ her guys _, needed help. 

* * *

Ray didn’t put up any defense when Egon socked him in the jaw. 

“HOW COULD YOU?!” he screamed, not caring that they were in public. “She was PREGNANT and you just let her into a hot zone!!”

“I’m sorry Iggy-!”

“Don’t! Don’t EVER talk to me again!!”

“Egon-”

“Shut up Peter!! All of you are fucking DEAD to me!” he cried, tears streaming down his face. The one thing, the _ one thing _ he tried to make sure wouldn’t happen happened. Janine went to a bust that had gotten out of control. She tried to help but instead she became a target. The guys only knew she had arrived at the dock when they heard her screams of terror. When they found her she was already gone.

“It’s YOUR fault my wife is...is…”

Egon crumbled to the ground and sobbed. 

“Janine...oh god Janine why…” 

> _ “I ignored all of you. I know now that it wasn’t anyone’s fault but I was so angry and that anger had nowhere to go, so I found an option that I thought was best.” _

The living room had turned into a frenzy of papers and tomes. Books on death, rebirth and the gods that could provide it were the main topic. Egon read each one trying to find the answer. He had to have her back. Life had no point without Janine. Each night he prayed to every deity and god he could find and begged for their favor. Each morning he woke up alone. Sometimes it felt like the ritual of it all was all he had left.

Candles surrounded him in a circle as he kneeled on the living room floor. The air was stale and reeked of food gone bad and his own unwashed body. 

“Andjety, Baldr, Osiris, Krishna, Vayu, Jesus...please...please I need her back. I can’t go on without her. She’s my life...my world…” 

“Do you truly wish for her to return?”

The voice, neither male or female, was so soft he thought he was having a psychotic break. After weeks someone had finally answered.

“Y...yes?”

“To return from death is not an easy task. One must pay.”

“I’ll give anything!” he cried, struggling to his feet. “What do you want?”

“What I want is not given freely or willingly.”

A form appeared in front of him. It was more smoke than solid, but it had glowing red eyes and what appeared to be an amulet around its neck. Egon looked right at it and stood his ground.

“Money? Knowledge? I’ll be your servant. I’ll take her place! Just name it!”

“A sacrifice must be made. A life for a life.”

“Yes! Please!!” he answered, not caring what the entity wanted. “Just let me see her again. I need to know she’s safe!”

“You want her alive and safe from harm. I can give that. I can give her body breath and ensure that she will only leave the mortal plane when old age comes. Do we have a bargain?”

“Agreed!!”

“The deal is struck!” the voice cackled. It wasn’t until that very moment that Egon realized he may have made a mistake. 

The next thing he saw was the ceiling of the bunk room at the Firehouse. Outside horns were blaring as morning rush hour plodded along. Spengler blinked a few times and let his senses take in the moment. Everything seemed fine but also wrong. He didn’t live at the Firehouse anymore...

“Ghostbusters,” came a nasally voice from below him. “How can we help you?”

He bolted upright and went straight for the fire pole. In seconds he was in front of Janine’s desk. She looked up at him, a little startled by his sudden appearance, but smiled as she hung up the phone. 

“Good morning Dr. Sp-”

Janine yelped a bit as he scooped her up and kissed her deeply. When he finally let her go she was breathless and swooning. 

“Dr. Spengler!”

Egon was too busy kissing her cheeks, neck, and hands to notice what was going on around him. 

“Well I’ll be,” Peter smirked. “I think someone hit puberty today.”

“I’m still not talking to you,” Egon growled before pulling Janine in for another kiss. 

“Huh?”

It took Janine literally putting the desk between then to get Egon to stop kissing her.

“It isn’t that I’m not flattered, but what’s gotten into you? Yesterday you wouldn’t give me the time of day!” she said.

“What? Never! I love you. You’re my wife.” 

“Your WHAT?!” Janine squeaked in alarm.

Concerned Peter grabbed Egon’s face so he could look him in the eyes. 

“Spengs, what day is it?”

“Friday July 17th.”

“Of?”

“1990.”

Peter glanced over his shoulder. “Janine would you please go get Ray.”

The secretary bolted up the stairs, worry crystal clear on her face. 

“It isn’t 1990, it is?”

“No big guy. It’s October 26th, 1984. You’re years ahead of us,” he said, eyeing Egon suspiciously. “Let’s wait for Ray before we start figuring this out.”

“Yeah...yeah that’s a good idea…” Egon agreed, sitting heavily in Janine’s chair. 

* * *

“So you made a deal with a lower-g god? That’s not like you Iggy,” Ray said as he tweaked the modified mental colander perched on Egon’s head. 

“I was desperate. I needed her back. I didn’t know what else to do.”

“Well it worked, but not the way I imagine you expected it to.”

“No, but I’ll take it. I’ll woo her all over again if I have to.”

“It’s cute that you’re love-struck, but don’t you think it’s a little strange? How do we know you’re telling the truth? Or that you’re even you?” Peter asked.

“You keep your little black book at the back of your pants drawer and the first woman you kissed was named Nancy.”

Peter shrugged. “Checks out.”

Ray rolled his eyes. “I want to run some more tests...Ah...Janine...well she said that this is a bit much for her to take in. She’s going to head home...alone.”

Egon’s jaw clenched but he didn’t argue. He had all the time in the world now. 

“The rest of the tests can wait. I’m very tired. It’s been a long-” He wanted to say ‘day’ but that wasn’t true. “It’s been a long few weeks.”

“Sure buddy. Do you need anything?” Ray offered.

“No, just rest.”

After Egon left the room, Peter and Ray got to business.

“Is it really him?” Peter asked.

“Yeah. Aside possibly knowing the future it’s our Spengler.”

“All your whatever's come out ok?” he asked, waving his hand at Ray and Egon’s equipment. 

“So far. There’s a little fluctuation with his brain waves, but if what he says is true, that would be pretty normal.”

“Alright. So what do we do? Just watch him?”

“Yeah. I can’t think of anything else. If he exhibits peculiar behavior we’ll go from there.”

“Peculiar and Egon go hand in hand,” Peter sighed. “We’ll worry about it tomorrow. Let’s get some shut eye.” 

Ray nodded and they shuffled off to the bunk room where Egon was already sound asleep. 

**The Next Day**

Spengler woke slowly. Outside horns were honking in a futile attempt to get traffic moving. He sat up and stretched. Downstairs the phone rang. A slight smile curved his lips when he heard Janine’s voice. Knowing that things were going to be alright he got his day started with breakfast before going to the lab. Just as he was finishing Ray shambled in for coffee and a big bowl of cereal. 

“Mor’in’.” he mumbled as he sat with his food. 

“Good morning. When you’re done, I’d like to finish up the tests from yesterday. The sooner I can get them done the sooner I can work on putting my life back in order.”

Ray blinked a few times. “Huh?”

“The tests.”

“What tests?”

Egon narrowed his eyes. Ray was a little slow in the morning, but this was unusual.

“The tests we started after I told you about the time travel incident.”

“Um...Iggy? We didn’t talk about time travel yesterday.”

“Yes. We. Did.”

“Maaaybe we should get Peter?” he said, edging away from his friend. 

A horrible thought crossed Egon’s mind. “What’s the date?”

“Ah...October 26th.”

“...fuck,” Spengler cursed softly. 

* * *

“Alright, recap. You wifed up Janine, she died, you made a deal with a lower-g god, told us all about it, and now no one but you remembers any of it?” Peter asked.

“Oh! And the date is the same as yesterday,” added Ray.

“Correct,” Egon sighed. “I haven’t spoken to Janine yet today. After yesterday I wanted to give her space.”

“I’m glad you didn’t. She would have freaked out big time,” Peter agreed.

“Why would the day repeat itself? That doesn’t make much sense.”

“I was so stupid to make a pact without more research.”

“Don’t beat yourself up too badly Iggy. You were hurting,” Ray said as he patted Egon’s shoulder. “Twinkie?”

After a quick sugar rush they decided the best thing to do was not tell Janine what was going on. They made the same deal the next day, and the next, and the next. 

**Several October 26th’s Later**

Egon laid in bed and listened to the city around him. Same horns, same yelling, same untouchable voice one floor below him. For almost a week he’d done the same thing over and over. Told the guys, looked for answers, and woke up with more questions. 

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results,” he mumbled as he got up. “Time to be different.” 

> _ At first I changed little things about my routine, like getting up later or earlier, leaving the Firehouse for the entire day, or whatever I felt like. I changed when I spoke to you and Ray about the event. Methodically I eliminated possible causes of the daily repetition until I got to the one thing I had prayed it wouldn’t be. The next day I didn’t tell anyone about what had happened, or even anything that would even remotely give anyone an inkling that I was reliving the same day for so long. I stayed in my lab and had little contact with anyone aside from Ray asking if I wanted in on lunch... _

When the next morning came the horns weren’t there because the traffic wasn’t there. It was Saturday. Egon leapt up and turned on the TV. Cartoons blared out from all channels. In relief he sat down on the sofa as Scooby-Doo and the gang tried to solve a mystery.

“Dammit…” he sighed. 

“Aaaah, you finally figured it out,” hissed a voice. All other sounds disappeared as it spoke. It was like he was in a vacuum where no noise could enter.. 

“It doesn’t usually take me this long to puzzle through things, but yes. Where are you?”

There was a soft tapping of knuckles on glass. Egon looked around then spotted Velma from the cartoon show waving at him. The deity’s voice came from her, which was all the more disturbing since the two didn’t even remotely match. Her eyes glowed red and she was wearing the amulet he saw during their first meeting.

“So tell me, what do you think you know?” ‘Velma’ asked, pushing up her glasses.

“If I try to rekindle my relationship with Janine, time resets to the last time I woke up.”

“At this exact moment that is correct. What else?”

“If I tell anyone about what’s happened, time resets again.”

“Also correct.”

“Why?”

“As I said, a life for a life.”

“But I’m willing to die for her to live! Why make it like this?!” he argued, leaning forward to get close to the TV. 

“You’re very literal,” she said. “What I took from you is the life you had with Janine, and it’s something you can never have again without consequences.”

“Like what?” Egon asked suspiciously. 

Velma smiled cruelly. “From this moment on if you ever tell her what happened, show even the slightest bit of affection to her, or tell anyone else what’s going on in any way, shape, or form, then Janine’s life is forfeit. Her soul will be cursed to the void of eternity.”

“That wasn’t part of the deal!!”

“It’s my deal,” she cackled. “If you don’t like the terms I can put you right back in your old life, miserable and alone, and she’ll go back to the grave.”

“I already am miserable and alone! And it’s your fault!!” he screamed at the TV. “How is this better when I can’t even hold her hand or tell her I love her?!”

“My only crime is setting the terms that allowed your beloved to return to the mortal plane! I have been very generous!” she spat.

“Bullshit! This is torture!” Suddenly his mind cleared and the world began to make sense again. “Which is what you wanted from the beginning. You aren’t one of the gods I called on, are you?”

She smirked, eyes twinkling behind her glasses. “No, I’m not. I like watching people suffer. However, now that you’ve figured it out, the fun is gone. I’ll just have to make do with you pining over a woman you can’t even touch, much less embrace.”

Spengler felt like his heart was on fire and his brain was going to implode. How was he so stupid?! He needed Ray and Peter, but he couldn’t ask for help and he wasn’t allowed to win her back the normal way. He needed ground rules so he could make a plan.

“What if someone comes to me about it? Peter and Ray are very observant.”

“Should that happen I’ll allow you to talk to them, but as soon as you sleep then time will reset to the previous day just as it has since you made the deal. Everyone around you will forget everything. Even your notes will disappear. I doubt even you’re smart enough to find an answer in one day.”

He scowled but ignored the jab. “What if...what if she shows affection to me? Janine can be very impulsive.”

“Hmm, a good question.” Velma tapped a finger on her chin. “If it’s a moment of emotional overload that doesn’t lead to anything more then I’ll allow it, but don’t take my generosity as something to abuse. I will be watching you every second.”

“No, of course not. I would never deign to anger someone who gave me such a gift.”

Velma glowered, her amulet glinting. “I know when I’m being pandered to.”

“My apologies. I just don’t want to risk losing what I have.”

She smiled indulgently. “Smart man. Keep that attitude and you’ll be able to watch over your precious Janine for a good long time. Hopefully she won’t fall for someone else.”

She laughed loudly, making Egon cringe in pain as the sound echoed. With a jolt the world returned to normal. Velma was helping Scooby and the gang crack a mystery instead of taunting him. Exhausted, he closed his eyes. First, a nap, then he would plot a way to get back the woman he pledged his life to.

**Back to April 1996**

_ “_And?? Then what?” Peter asked, hands waving to get Egon to continue.

“There is no ‘then what’. That’s the end of it.”

“You mean to tell me you’ve been working on this for years and you don’t have anything?? I thought you were the smart one.” 

In a fit Egon stood and threw his nearly empty beer can against the wall, shocking Peter so much that the man nearly fell out of his chair. 

“Shut it Venkman!! Do you have ANY idea the hell I’ve been living with?! Not only do I have to still be the perfect fucking Ghostbuster and constantly save your ass from your own big mouth, but I have to pretend that the ONE PERSON I want most in life means NOTHING TO ME!! Do you know what it’s like to keep up this...this fucking LIE? I want to hold her and kiss her and tell her that she means everything to me but I can’t because if I do she’ll DIE. The only time I can even talk about it is when you or Ray pull your heads out of your asses and look at me as a friend instead of some machine that spits out solutions to the endless stream of bullshit problems we have to deal with!!”

“Hey, Egon. Come on…”

“Fuck you Venkman! I’m tired. I’m so damn tired of it all. The worst part is as much as I love Janine I’m starting to hate her too. It’s not her fault but she’s always right there, so fucking close if I just reach out I could touch her...instead another man gets to know what it’s like to wake up next to her...to hear her say ‘I love you’ like she used to say to me…Someday she’s going to have someone else’s child...”

Egon’s face screwed up in pain. He walked to the nearest wall and smashed his fist against it again and again until his knuckles bled. Peter stood, terrified. The only other times Egon had shown this much emotion was when shit really hit the fan and the world was on the verge of ending. Peter guessed that, to Egon at least, it had. 

Gently he pulled his friend away from the wall and got him to sit on his bed while he got a bag of frozen peas for Egon’s hand. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything,” Peter said softly as he pried Spengler’s tight fist open. “I know it doesn’t change anything but I really am.”

“I know,” Egon whispered.

“Is there really nothing we can do?”

“I don’t...I’m not sure. I do all the research I can, but there’s only so much I can memorize and still deal with everything else that’s constantly going on. I can’t even make notes. The best I can do is keep sleeping as little as possible and hope.”

“You’ve never been a man to rely on anything you couldn’t quantify.”

“I have to. It’s all I have left,” he said, his voice cracking.

Peter didn’t care about Egon’s ‘no touching’ rule. He pulled him into a tight hug and didn’t flinch when Spengler grabbed back even harder and sobbed. It broke his heart to see Egon going through this, even more so since he’d been quietly suffering for years. 

“I probably say this every time, but we’re going to figure this out buddy. There has to be an answer,” Peter said when the crying tapered off. 

Egon sat up and nodded. “You do.”

“Well, we’re the Ghostbusters and this kind of BS is right up our alley, right?”

He gave Peter a small nod. “Right...thank you.”

“Always Spengs. Always.”

**The Next Day**

The next morning Egon walked into HQ. He nodded politely to Janine as she typed. 

“Good morning Dr. Spengler.”

“Good morning Janine. Is Peter in yet?”

“Upstairs. You alright? You look worn out.”

“Fine thank you,” he said mechanically as he headed up to his lab. 

She sighed and went back to work while mumbling something about not bothering to care next time. Peter was in the rec room, barely giving the scientist a wave as he drank coffee and watched the morning news. It was the exact same thing he had been doing the day before. 

Upon reaching his sanctuary, Egon shut the door and locked it to allow himself a moment alone to grieve for the life and love that kept brushing against him but was always, forever, out of reach. He bowed his head, took a deep breath, and got back to work.


End file.
